Reflections of A Black Christian Woman

 Last Sabbath afternoon,  I was with the Adventurer kids. I normally spend the afternoon with them to keep them busy. We sing, memorize verses and do a creative activity that is connected with one of the verses we are memorizing.  I enjoy my time with them. So when we were done and we were preparing to pray, one girl (Bathandwa) asked to pray. She thanked God for time spent in church and expressed how much she enjoys church. She then asked God to keep me till I'm very old. This prayer comforted me. We had a scare a month prior. The bolt we were using was almost hijacked and a gun was pointed at us. Thankfully, through God's protection, we made it alive. A girl in my class had asked for protection and she particularly asked protection from robbers that particular afternoon, as we were about to head home. And I'm forever grateful for her prayer. Anyway, back to the prayer: She thanked God that I'm nice and that I'm loving towards them. Thanked him for giving  me ...

 All my learners did well, even the one in grade 1 (although I wish she repeats since she cannot read or write. She just knows answers). Apart from her, all are independent. The lowest mark in the class final exams in 62 %   and there are more kids in the 80 - 100 % percentile. I'm so proud of this year's grade 3s because they are the group that had to stop coming to school due to covid. I can positively say 5 / 7 of my grade 3s can read and write fluently in English , IsiXhosa and some Afrikaans.  The two are perfect but with more assistance at home they'll go far. In grade 2, I can safely say 7 / 10 can read and write fluently in English. And I'm excited to see them learn IsiXhosa and Afrikaans. We had started with IsiXhosa and had read IsiXhosa and taught the foundation - vowels and pronouncing alphabeths. And we've done two or three spelling tests. And without a doubt, they'll know how to read and write IsiXhosa by first term. And continue to grow. By the en...

  Today was great and my feet are sore from today 😀. Above all else : Teaching is serving. And this means you'll sometimes miss out on moments because you've got to watch children play or take them to the bathroom. It takes everything. We had the Grade R Graduation and it was amazing. Seeing how amazing these kids were and how much they've grown. I'm yet to see Grade R learners like ours 😀. I'm a proud of my colleague and what God has been able through her. We often chat about our frustrations - some learners take longer to adjust, some do have learning difficulties and behavioural problems. And we alwayd want to help each child individually. So, seeing each child develop is amazing. The kids did speeches, verses, acted out a story, sang  and danced. We had a lovely guest speaker who spoke and encouraged both kids and parents. Most specially, she interceded for the kids, parents and the school. Oh man what a special lady. She also gave the graduates gifts and gave...

 Exam time used to make me nervous. But it  no longer does.  They serve as a gauge to see whether my learners have understood the concepts they've learnt and they are a reflection of what I need to improve on. We do have revision week but it's mostly used to assess where my students lack. And checking whether they remember the correct method of answering. And I thank God for the progress my learners have made. These learners are quite vast - most of them come from a Non-Adventist background. Some parents drink and there's quite a lot. But I'm thankful that there's God to help us through various challenges. But there's so much positive progress. Out of the 23 learners, I can safely say only 6 struggle with spelling words well, reading fluently and being responsible.  Four out of the six do not show any parental involvement. When parents are addressed, they show no remorse or change.  But I've also seen that these six learners thrive when they receive individu...

 I don't know how a learner fails Grade R unless there are serious learning difficulties or barriers such as language, social status or no care in the home. Then this very learner is condoned with no foundation at all 😭. This one couldn't count, colour, read, write or anything. I was hoping by this time she'd be independently working on her own. But alas! It's frustrating. As much as I try to give individual attention, I know she needs to repeat the class. She can't read, except for simple sight words. I don't know what assistance she's getting at home. I don't see any proof. Exam time are the hardest with her. She still needs individual attention. I've tried prayer, peer assistance, but nothing helps. I've also done individual assessments. I've seen a LOT of concerning behaviour. She cannot concentrate without always being told what to do. She lacks sense of responsibility. And that's what a learner has by June / September. But I'm ...

My heart is overflowing with joy and so much more ♥️. I'm in awe of God's love and how He runs ahead and assists. Today it was a Children's Ministry Sabbath. And I'm so happy 🥰. It started with four kids being late for Sabbath School and we had to do it without them. God came through. I was blessed by today's message: Send me Lord, I'm willing. I'm still reflecting and asking God to empower me to minister to others always. The Children's Choir sang finally. Ever since the Camp Meeting there's been so many programmes that practising has been so difficult. Praying God blesses the Children's Choir and it continues to grow even when I'm gone. I've grown to love the children I work  with.And above all, I've wanted to form a loving relationship with them individually, so that they can know I'm in their corner. Apart from the verses and stories, I want them to know how much I love them and how much God loves them. I was able to do a ref...

 Teaching is a bittersweet experience. There are moments of heart-break, exhaustion, discouragement and there are good days. The disheartening days often feature a parent who doesn't put in  the work, after calling her to a meeting or meetings to explain how to go about assisting the child.  I've realized, and this is a painful realization, that there are parents who just don't put effort with the child. The child will only learn in the classroom and at home they'll just write homework without reading for understanding.  Child x never practises writing the verse at home for her weekly Bible tests nor practises spelling at home. I have to ask other kids to teach her in the morning and even then, she doesn't take it serious. This is a child who failed grade R and often, I wish she had repeated grade R. She doesn't possess the ability of a grade 1 learner- by now a grade 1 learner knows she needs to read and spell at home, do her readings, co-operate in the classro...

If there's  one thing I'm convicted of, it is the solemn responsibility that comes with motherhood: it's a matter of life and death, literally. It's one role one  needs to prayerfully consider; not to filfill a societal norm but to find out from God if it's what God calls her to. I know for a fact that it's not God's plan for teenage girls to be mothers. I know it's not God's plan for any child to be born in an enviroment where God won't be the foundation with loving parents. And I know, our society is broken, but sometimes we are the cause (choices): cue for an upcoming post.And as I continue reading, I know it's not a duty I want to have 24 hours, 7 days a week. I've had a foretaste of motherhood through my nieces and I know for a fact, it's  not a journey I'd like to embark on (not based on any bad experience but simply realizing how taxing parenting is). Here's something I've realized though, I am a mother ...

1. Last week, we had a Vacation Bible School for a week and it was such a beautiful experience. I'm honestly thankful for God. How He brings our prayers to reality and for His continued support in my life. I'm thankful for the support by the children and parents. We started with 27 and ended up at 34. What really made me happy, is the fact that, there were three girls who are Non-Adventists who attended. I just pray that we target Non-Adventist kids more. I'm praying about something more permanent rather than limiting the program to holidays. On Sabbath, one parent whose kids had been attending came in my class to drop a parcel and whispered, " you are doing a good job!" Believe me, we need those words. Sometimes the journey feels lonely and a word of encouragement fitly spoken, is dew to a parched ground. And I'm thankful for such parents.  2. On Sabbath I was on preaching duty. I was asked on the 2nd of July and I agreed. And the message laid on my heart was...

 This is my last year in my 20s Thinking back to the vision I've had for my life, I'm not there *yet* but I'm  thankful I get to serve in other ways. One thing I decided on very early on in life, is that I didn't want to be a mother. I looked at my mother's lot - parenting alone, providing for every thing while loving us and gave us attention and often I was sad about her lot. Not once did she complain / give us a painful childhood. She's loved us well and continues to play such a big role in my life. She didn't have a hands-on partner who was as committed. And I made a vow to never be in the same predicament. And I've come to realize: you may do the "right" things i.e marry and have children but it doesn't gaurantee that your husband will be a good partner and a true father. There was a lot of pain caused by my dad.  And I thought I'd compromise and have kids if I find the right man. But as I reflect on this, I realize it's not abo...

1. The seasons we individually go through, are meant to show us our true selves and show us how much we need God whether it's summer or winter. Life needs persistence, for the greater good of others. We may be so discouraged, even tempted to quit; but when we realize it's about the ones we are serving and put them first, we are encouraged to move forward. Success goes with resilience, a heart which will not faint even when it's in pieces. Hoarding onto people's mistakes / ours, has a tendency of blinding us to God's power (transformation) in our lives / those of others. 2. I'm learning to keep it moving, because I know the end goal. I'm learning to give others new chances because I've been forgiven countless times. 3. Thankful for vacation. Term 2 wasn't great. But I'm thankful for time to reflect. Thankful for the Singabantu album by Selected Voices. It speaks to my soul. It's  a prayer on it's own. Thankful for my nieces. I ...

 Today was special. My mother shared a Word of encouragement and I was just blessed. There's something about a person including their own personal walk and experiences when they share. The take home message was "work on your OWN soul."  I got to share about the factors that may contribute to us being unfaitful in our Christian journey. It's something I want to reflect on for a while. Overall, I was blessed.

 Disclaimer: my thoughts are all over the place and I can't share the specific details so as to not expose those closest to me. Just a burdened soul grieved. When Esau was forty years old, he took as wives Judith the daughter of Beeri the Hittite, and Basemath the daughter of Elon the Hittite. And they were a grief of mind to Isaac and Rebekah. (Genesis 26:34-35) And Rebekah said to Isaac, "I am weary of my life because of the daughters of Heth; if Jacob takes a wife of the daughters of Heth, like these who are the daughters of the land, what good will my life be to me?" (Genesis 27:46) One of the lessons I wish I clearly understood at a younger age is how our choices affect the next person. Pride often deceives us into thinking we are living for ourselves. Even if we make a bad decision, we'll be the only ones that suffer. But that's not quite true. Though we may carry the heavy load of regret and suffer the repercussion of our choices, those closest to us also r...

 There's a particular girl in my class whom I love dearly (well, I love them all). Not only is she an exceptional student (everything she does / touches turns into gold). She is kind, loving, inquisitive and sometimes too talkative 😂.  She's the kind to ask questions in the middle of a Math classwork. I wish I could entertain all the questions! But alas, so much work. When she's absent the aura is different. I'm thankful for her. She always mentions how she's missed us as teachers, even though she saw us the previous day. She's suggested sleep overs 😂. She tries her best always! I think she'll be an architect or a doctor. I just pray she remains sweet and loving. She's also my assistant (although I have a handful of them). Then there's my boy. He's a new student and he has a heart of gold : sweet, kind, helpful, does his best and loves order. It's how he always wishes me a great Sabbath and how after school he's always eager to help. He...

1. The previous month has taught me that, consistency is what gets us the fruits we desire to see, and so does patience.  I've also learnt that you keep pushing even if it hurts. When it comes to leadership there are so many challenges. And at times you're tempted to give up. But you are required to show up and push through because it's about next person and not you. It's hard to fulfil a vision when you are not united. And often, if the leader does not take seriously the advice of his team, there'll be no progress. I'm learning that a leader should never be a self-centered man / woman.  A church that that doesn't prioritize it's children is a danger zone. Kids lack. Resources aren't there and it hurts working in such an institution. I envision that one day I'll be part of a church that will recognize its duty towards the training of its children and having the right facilities. It's been so long though. And my heart is broken reg...

  Look, God is such a Provider! I love how He also provides educational resources. So, I asked the kids to research the biggest bird and one mentioned that he had a book on birds. I asked him to bring it. He did and I'm so amazed at God's wisdom. I made some notes for my kids. I'll be able to use the book for my class' Adventurer Reading Award on Nature ❤. I know one of my kids is going to enjoy it a lot. She's not a fluent reader yet but she's so keen and loves to read. I know for sure this year will end with her reading beyond her age. I love the fact that she reads with comprehension. I thank God ❤. We've also enjoyed God's dream. My niece loves it and the same kid who loves reading kept asking if she could read the book over and over again. I wish!

 I'm thankful for another go at this life joutney. I'm grateful to be back at work after a much needed break. I'm hoping to focus more on those kids who are struggling. Most of them don't get assistance at home so it is so burdensome. I just focus on doing my part but I've really been frustrated. I've told these parents to come see me, but it's excuses all the time. But other than that, there's progress. I just think it's not fair for a child to be condoned when they failed a grade. They lack the foundation of the previous grade. It's mostly lacking responsibility.  I'm grateful for having my nieces with us this week. They really bring so much joy - I  love learning with them and today I'll be on aunt duty. My mom has gone to a funeral outside of P.E and to be bonest, I have a deep-seated fear of something going wrong but I trust God for love, joy, safety and protection. I hope to make time for playing ball and for reading and colouring. ...

I'm grateful for the Sabbath. There's so much meaning to it - it's also time to connect. I personally enjoy spending time with my kids. I am thankful that each experience proves deeper and deeper! And it's a give and take experience ♥️. Today we didn't have choir practise and as I was calling my Builder  class, I heard the kids singing the songs we normally enjoy. It's heartwarming to see kids finding joy in such things. I'm grateful for the opportunity to serve. It's a learning curve. I'm grateful that my older niece is here ♥️. I'm so thankful. I've missed her. I hope the younger one will visit as well. I'm grateful for my partner too. He comes through for me in so many ways. Praying God blesses and keeps him. And I'm so proud of him. What are you thankful for today?

I'm grateful for the past few days. I've been able to take things slowly and spend time doing things I enjoy. I've been able to read more and reflect. I'm taking this time to re-establish my value in light of God's word. I'd like to do more for myself this month - exercise more, say no to dairy, and serving. But mostly, I want to take time to spend with God and pour my heart. I want to go back to planning in advance and interceding for those around me. How has the past month been? What do you look forward to doing?

I'm struggling to deal with "constructive criticism" lately from person X. It's the manner in which X does it - condescending and a constant reminder that X is experienced and superior.  Why address the negatives with the need to remind me I'm not in the same calibre. It's discouraging and if I had resources I'd quit. It's  the domineering attitude, not being mindful that we get tired and we have lives. It's tough. I've been avoiding to cry. I was sharing this with my partner and poor thing doesn't understand how extreme it gets. I've been praying for X for almost four years and I  don't think it's fair to dread my days because of X. It's mostly the attitude that X knows everything, X is perfect and X  doesn't err.  I am tired.  It's as if X finds joy in breaking you down. I hope my future doesn't feature X. I sense something off but time will tell.

 I'm thankful for today. Today was amazing. I love how my learners and I got talking and it just opened a space for so much more. More understanding and sympathy. We were doing revision for the last term test and as I was asking questions, I was amazed like always, by how smart kids are; particularly mine 😍🤣. Of course I'm biased. The other thing that really stood out for me is how kids can be deep thinkers (not think on the surface). I posed a question regarding how we can make others happy and there were so many wonderful answers but one that stood out for me, is giving hope to others. I really love that. We've gone through so much for the past years  and we are required to show up  without even having enough time to grieve or process things. There's so much life demands that it feels like we're  breathless or playing catch-up. I also asked the kids what makes them sad: the answers included being shouted, laughed at and one boy mentioned how sad he was when he l...

Spending time with children. They are so refreshing to the soul.  Singing, praying and learning the Word makes me SO happy. I see the  prayer I made after the Hartenbos experience  being answered with each experience.  I am learning to love, to laugh off mistakes, to find joy in situations. It feels so freeing.   Children have   enabled me the freedom to be myself.

Groaning of my heart: The boy child! Our fatherless boys! Who shall model true  manhood to them? But the Lord is gracious!  "That our sons shall be as plants nurtured in their youth" #interceding  What shall our sons become?! Who shall father the boy child, in the absence of godly father-figures? What shall become of our sons? What men shall they be? Not the ones conditioned to believe they are above every one else! God forbid! Not the ones who will steal, kill and forcefully rape us!!  Be merciful to the boy child, Lord! What will become of our sons?! Hateful men? Broken men? Untrustworthy men? Men running away from responsibility? Men who do not love God, while playing church? Men who will splurge their earnings on women and friends, while their mothers die of hunger? Or men who are so broken, that they take their lives?  Give the boy child Jesus!!! Give the boy child Jesus!!! He'll heal and mold Him! For He was once a boy, walking the dusty street...

I am praying for a thankful outlook on life regardless of the challenges. I think I've been filled with so much worry from work and the various challenges our children go through. But today, I want gratitude and joy in the Lord to fill my heart. The Lord is my strength. The Lord consoles me and for that I am grateful. I'm timid but through God's strength He enables me to carry out tasks I never knew I could carry out. And the fact that I know it's not about me has also been a comfort because I realize all I do is for Him and the kids I work with.  I'm thankful that whatever God calls you to, He gives you support for it. I am an Adventist Children's Ministry Co-ordinator and there's been many fears such as never having worked with such a demanding ministry and the anxiety  of wanting  things to go well. But man, I've seen God work in amazing ways and I thank Him already for all He will accomplish through my life and that of the children. The c...

I remember meeting one of my primary school techers a year ago or so. I'd often see him in church gatherings like Camp Meeting etc. He taught me in grade 5 - 7 and was one of my favourite teachers. So, it happens that his older sister is one of the transport drivers in our school. So when he saw me he mentioned that he knew that I was teaching  there and said to me: I can't believe you are a teacher. You never understood how others could struggle with understanding a concept.  I didn't take time to actually think about what he said. But, this year, I realized I  was just so exhausted emotionally. And  yesterday as we were having devotion; God convicted me as to why this was the case. I was struggling to understand how certain kids couldn't get certain concepts. To me it seems obvious. But the words of my employer in a recent meeting were comforting and such an important reminder: children vary and they all have different learning styles and my duty as a t...

 Hey reader, I trust you are well. Let me start by welcoming you in my space. I hope you'll find it to be a safe space. So, I feel like this past month I've been struggling to breathe - so much workload. Anyway, that's always the case. But there's pressure to improve and do your best. I'm still a facilitator for grade 1 - grade 3 learners . So far I have 3 new learners. Two are in grade 2 and one is in grade 1. Two can't write much nor speak English. My biggest challenge has been the grade 1 learner who'd cry when she had to write. I requested for her report card and let's just say it was extremely bad. She didn't meet grade R requirements- hence she can't write, doesn't know alphabets, can't really colour, not familiar with simple words(sight words) like and, is, this etc. Besides being a Christian  school, we emphasize on the three Rs - Reading, Writing and Arithmetic. Our kids write quite a lot. And I commend this - I'll explain in...

You know, I've been thinking of the term strict and what it really means. To a certain degree, it's needful; in the sense of giving direction, order and safety. We can all recount how the strictness of our parents saved us from many dangerous paths. But when strictness involves hurtful words which are derogatory in nature, when it involves control and no autonomy, when it means you have to hide certain things because you are scared of the reaction, then it's not what it should be. Child Guidance talks about how parents should befriend their children and how they should encourage openness and be their children's confidants. This will help children to not trust their young friends, who are still lacking in experience and in turn, will save many young people from hurtful experiences or at least give assurance that, regardless of  their choices, they'll still have a safe space in their parents. That space will provide a refuge for crying, venting out and so much more wi...

 Few years ago, I agreed to enter into a courtship with my friend 😊 and looking back, I realize how much I've grown and how we've both become better individuals. There are so many lessons, but a few stand out: 1. Continue to maintain a strong relationship with God: that is the strongest foundation for your relationship. Your sense of security and direction is centered on God, not your partner. 2. Ask questions when you don't understand, or you end up assuming. Communicate your expectations, discomforts, fears or whatever you are going through pertaining the relationship. I tend to want to lean inward and seek space ; but in essence this adds no value to the relationship.  3. Pray for your partner. 4. Serve each other. 5. Don't hurry love. Intimacy takes time. Friendship takes time. Don't panic. You will eventually get to a place where you are friends and in sync with each other. It takes time, trust, vulnerability and intention. 6. Don't discuss you...