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Scattered Thoughts on a Tuesday

 I've been thinking a bit about the implications of being in a relationship.

Does a relationship simply include the two of you? Does the world stop existing? Is it draining? One thing I can say is, I no longer view being in a relationship the same way I did years ago. Reading novels made me think being in a relationship means you exist purely for the other person - your dreams, your hobbies and other relationships take a backseat, but I've realized being in a relationship somehow brings you closer to yourself - what I mean by that is how a relationship exposes you (flaws, likes, the way you solve conflict, insecurities etc.). Being in a relationship doesn't make you stop existing on an individual level. You still find joy in doing the things that matter to you, you get to experience the realities of life but the difference is, you have someone in your corner who is there to support, counsel, pray with and vent to.

Being in a relationship also means respecting where the other person comes from and realizing they are not solely existing for you but they exist to minister to so many people. This means you need to respect relationships they've had before your relationship. I often see how a son will suddenly be less present when a girlfriend is in his life, but I don't think it ought to be so. I think all the relationships should be allowed to synonymously exist. Before my twin met his girlfriend, we were quite close, but as their relationship progressed ours eventually died, and we began to see less of him, while he was always with her. I must say, at first, I felt he was lucky. But I now know this isn't a positive trait - I'm not saying spending quality time with your partner is bad but once the relationship becomes a priority so much that you cannot exist in other roles, it's a red flag.

I've also learnt that we need to respect our partner's journeys and embrace them because we do not come from the same background - not everyone comes from a well off background. And this needs us to be considerate. Let's say your partner recently started working and he has no decent clothes for going to work. I'd assume that as a caring girlfriend, you'd encourage your partner to buy clothes and work on being in a better place financially, instead of spending half of his salary on you. I've learnt that being in a relationship means encouraging your partner to choose themselves for a change - allowing your partner to make choices that make them happy and proud of how far they have come.

It's sad to see people break because of relationships. I don't think love should be frustrating nor should it cost you your mental health. As much as relationships are work, it should be motivated by love and the desire to serve the next person - not fear. I pray we will hold each other's hearts gently and not only in male/female relationships; but in our friendships, sibling relationships and parent-child relationships. It's easy to take people for granted - but I've learnt we need to treasure each person who features in our life and be vocal about how much they mean to us.

These are just my scattered thoughts, not quite structured but on my heart. Overall, I'm praying for healing. 

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