Reflections of A Black Christian Woman

 As I reflect, I realize that at every stage of our lives there is waiting. Simply put, we go through the waiting process everyday. Some seasons of waiting are short-lived and due to that, we may not feel the weight that comes with waiting; this could be waiting on water to boil or waiting for a browser while it's refreshing. But some seasons of waiting can be elongated and they may bring anxiety, excitement, doubt or if we are not firm in our walk with Christ, we might be led to compromise.  This waiting could include waiting for exam results, a good job offer, a child, a recovery from sickness or overcoming a particular habit. You may be in a season of waiting, like myself, and it may seem like your livelihood depends on what you are waiting for. You may see those around you getting blessed with the very thing you desire; you may be tempted to think God favours a few. But be comforted in these thoughts: -God is too wise too err - His timing is not affected by miscalculations...

 I believe in the power of personal testimonies wholeheartedly. They are a way of strengthening each other in this life journey. 1. Today I was reflecting. This time last year I lost my colleague. She left the faith and joined spiritualism. My heart was so broken because I had grown to love her. She was the one who welcomed me and guided me in my work. She had become a sister and she was still new in the faith. After a series of unfortunate events in her life in year 2020, she decided to leave the faith and eventually leave work as her new found faith was not in congruence with the school mission and vision. I still mourn her loss. This meant we didn't have a replacement for some time. A teacher came and left due to unforeseen events. This really left me uncertain as the work was weighing on me. And as we continued praying for a teacher who'd fit in the puzzle, we had to wait a while. But a month later, God answered. I've found so much more. I've found an older sister, ...

 I came across a video on YouTube that talks about trauma that emanates from having strict parents. And I just found myself thinking about how I was being bullied by an elderly lady who was constantly making comments about my body and how big my boobs were. I was thirteen at the time and I don't think I was able to confide in my mother. I'd complain about my weight and she'd tell me there's nothing wrong, but I feel like I wanted more from her. I remember her coming across an article I had written about this experience and her expressing how she wished I had told her.  My mom is strict and sweet. I've always struggled to confide in her about other things; mainly due to her response - I feel like she doesn't hear you out. I was scared when I had my first period and my brother went to talk to her on my behalf. And I remember my colleague expressing her fear in telling her mom as she'd think she slept with a boy. I just dislike how certain conversations are off...

My story is a story of grace and when I look back, I see how God's hand has always been in my journey, guiding me throughout.  There's so much God has delivered me from. But I'm particularly thankful for these ones : God has delivered me from bitterness which was rooted in my relationship with my dad. It got to a point where I didn't want to see him again. But I'm grateful that I can acknowledge the disappointments without feeling hatred towards him. I'm thankful that I've been able to have positive bonds with some males in my life (my employer's husband feels more like a dad to me and another elderly man who became a family friend). In 2017, my spirituality took a hard knock. I was depressed, had no reason to live for (so I thought!). I had failed again at my desire to make something out  of my life and just felt disappointed. I compromised my principles and at some point, compromised my worth because I valued other people's opinions so much. And I ...

 I've come across quite a number of people claiming they are spiritual but not religious and this has always baffled me. In my mind the two cannot be separated. I'm still to explore this topic, but thought I'd share as I learn. I've also noticed that, this phrase of being "spiritual" often means not needing to be bound by God's moral standard but simply having a relationship with God and going about living about your life. Or just acknowledging God is Lord but not living in light of this truth. But in all honesty, you (I) cannot sincerely have a relationship with God without  honouring Him. Obedience is part of the relationship. Here are some thoughts to reflect on:  Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world. - James 1:27 True religion is obedience to ALL the commandments of God. - TDG 314  Religion does not consist in works, but religi...

1. Marriage is beautiful and God created the institution as means of refining character and blessing humanity. 2. Unfortunately, ever since sin entered and selfishness took precedence over our hearts, marriage has taken a knock. From Adam declaring "bone of my bones" to "this woman you gave me", the brokenness continues.  3. Most people have experienced brokenness due to their parent's broken marriages and sometimes this leaves deep wounds which sometimes lead people to conclude that marriage is bad. I was one of those and I had vowed I'd never get married.  4. We're exposed to so many negative marriages that society is slowly becoming immune to true love, often saying, "it will end in tears." 5. Most important of all, it is the most potent witness of God's power to bring light and healing in society.  6. By witnessing healthy marriages, we're encouraged that we too can have God- honouring marriages. Sometimes you even feel ...

1. It takes God, a parent and a teacher to effectively contribute in a child's life and all parties must be involved.  Teaching is beautiful and heart-wrenching. Heart-wrenching because parents can do so less and not even come up with ways to help their children. It comes across as "none of my business". My colleague and I  often laugh and say, if some parents could, we'd also be assisting their children with homework. There's more to it.  Sometimes it's seeing how difficult certain kids find to grasp things which you go over and over again and things they'd get if parents were consistently involved. Sometimes I think learning difficulties are not acknowledged by parents.  As a teacher you get appreciated and blamed. I was told if a child fails, it reflects on you. And at first, I believed this. But what about when you go all out and definitely see the results except for those two students? What about the meetings you've called and parents ...

Where do I begin? A couple close to my heart visited me. They were this side and they are originally from Cape Town. It was lovely to see them. N and I spent some tine chatting and that really ministered to me, even though it was work-related. I received gifts, which to me, are an answer to my prayer.  Then, my nieces, just arrived a few minutes ago. I hadn't seen them for months. My heart is SO full.

Lately, my heart has been  longing for an earthly father. There's been so many triggers. I've been wondering how my life would've been if I had a present father. I find myself thinking about  how it must be to have a father as a provider and friend, as a cheerleader and so much more.  I often wish I had experienced the element of a present father. A father I'd come to when I need to make decisions and counsel with. A father who'll be true to his words and be honest when he cannot come through for me. A father I'd go to picnics with, enjoy some music with and travel with. I wonder what it's like not  to lack due to having a hard-working dad. I wonder what it's like to have family worship together and so much more. I wonder, a lot. But the truth is, I'll never know. I just wish that this part wasn't missing.  And I was of the mind that I had completely made peace with it. But as I navigate life, witness those with loving fathers,  I sometimes wonde...

Hey reader, I trust you are well.  I'm glad I can share my heart with you. I thought to share some lessons from the past month. 1. When there's a breakdown in our relationship with God either by spending less time in God's Word or prayer, our perspective on life is negatively impacted and oftentimes, it's easy to lose the bigger picture. You experience  fear for the future, insecurities, anxiety, competition and so much more. A lack of communion with God creates a conducive environment for sinfulness.  2. Serving the Lord really takes everything. And I am certain, nothing ever works out without prayer. There's no power outside of it. I have observed that my victorious days only come when I've spent much time in prayer. 3. Our spirituality erodes when we do not minister to others. There's life in dying daily. 4. Our safety is in doing our best, even when it's not reciprocated.  I speak in the context of the work I do. My only safety is going the extra mi...

  This day is forever engraved in my heart. Our Grade 3 learners had their farewell today and it was out of this world. I caught myself teary-eyed on multiple occasions. This group of learners is special because I met them three years ago, they were babies! They were the group to tell me that their pencils were broken, or they didn’t have space to write on. It’s been a journey of learning and unlearning, learning more about myself. More than anything, I love how these kids have embraced me and showered me with love. They are not perfect, but to me they come close to it – they are cheerful, helpful, hard-working, focused, silly and inquisitive. They love God.   This day is also special because it’s a day before my birthday. Tomorrow, I turn 28 years old. My life is a testament of God’s grace and how he consistently pursues me. I’ve watched God using the very experiences that have brought shame and pain to lead me to my purpose. Sometimes I get disappointed in my failures, b...

 I miss having friends I can meet with and socialize with. I feel lonely. I miss friends who initiate visits and outings. I have been feeling this way since the start of the year. I used to call, visit, initiate, but my heart longs for that too. This morning I feel a bit sad. I would have loved a gathering with sisters to reflect on our personal journeys, lessons we've learnt this season and what being a woman means to each one of us. I really miss like-minded people. It helps that my mom is someone I can spend time with and have awesome chats with, otherwise life would be boring. Yesterday I saw a sister I last saw in Cape Town and I had been thinking about how I'd love to meet up with her, especially since we're in the same profession and she was someone I admired, I still do. I hope this one will materialize. Care enough to pray with me?  I am thankful for the online sisters I have though. They mean a lot to me. I hope we'll meet in person as well. Happy Women's ...

 1. I'm glad to be back at work - I feel lost outside my job because it is my calling. 2. I'm thankful for the progress I see in the students that were slacking. There's a particular girl who came in our school. She was condoned to Grade 2 and she wasn't equipped for the grade - she couldn't write on the line, couldn't read, count; but I've seen God's grace over her life. At some point her parents thought of taking her to a special school and her mother was so excited to see her child write and recite scriptures. This is a child who was reported to be reluctant to speak in her previous school. When she came, she didn't know much English and there were speech issues where you could tell she struggled with saying words properly and spelling was also a major issue. Thankfully, now she's better in speech and her reading has improved. She no longer shows signs of mental blockages - I don't know what to call them. But she'd have instances where...

I've been meaning to write this post for a while now; so I finally had the courage to do it today. So, lockdown hit everyone hard, including schools. I was teaching 30 students and 2 out of that total decided to leave school for fair reasons. I was then left with 28 learners. So, we would prepare study material for each week and we would have about 4 tasks for each learning area - Monday to Thursday. We also put emphasis on reading and availed ourselves for any questions that parents might have. And I know I'd even explain certain concepts for each week so that parents could catch up easily on the work. This meant we were always available online (my colleague and I). Then on Fridays we required proof of the work done to be sent directly to us as the teachers via WhatsApp. I really must say this made me push and give it my best. I really enjoyed working from home, though I knew this meant more kids were not doing their tasks and might miss on grasping the themes. In terms of the...

 I've been thinking a bit about the implications of being in a relationship. Does a relationship simply include the two of you? Does the world stop existing? Is it draining? One thing I can say is, I no longer view being in a relationship the same way I did years ago. Reading novels made me think being in a relationship means you exist purely for the other person - your dreams, your hobbies and other relationships take a backseat, but I've realized being in a relationship somehow brings you closer to yourself - what I mean by that is how a relationship exposes you (flaws, likes, the way you solve conflict, insecurities etc.). Being in a relationship doesn't make you stop existing on an individual level. You still find joy in doing the things that matter to you, you get to experience the realities of life but the difference is, you have someone in your corner who is there to support, counsel, pray with and vent to. Being in a relationship also means respecting where the othe...

 If there's one thing about God that continues to amaze me, is how invested He is in molding our characters in His likeness. He will stop at nothing to consistently provide us with opportunities to overcome sin and character flaws, while granting us with all the strength and knowledge we need. The work I do in the Christian school I'm part of is challenging to the utmost. And what makes it more challenging is that I'm a sinner dealing with other sinners. So, I'm in constant need of God's grace and guidance (like we all are). In my case, I'm dealing with young minds and so they are impressionable. And that means I can do the greatest good or the greatest harm. It also means I'm tested severely, patient-wise (a glimpse of how I also test God's long-suffering). And at times, I might react unwise (and these are sins I have to confess and ask forgiveness to God and the children). Working with children exposes you to your evil heart more than anything and issu...

 If there's one thing I've learnt over the past year, it's the importance of healing - not just physically but holistically. I think we often dwell so much on the outside that we forget the inward - which is so crucial because it impacts habits, thought process and overall behavior. I've realized trauma harms us and is more deadly when not dealt with. Specifically, childhood trauma . Often than not, we don't even know we might be reacting in a certain way or even behaving in a particular way because of something as far back as our childhood. I had a fairly, wonderful childhood with the ebbs and flows of life. But as I grew older I dealt with quite a bit, even though it wasn't overwhelming. I was so fearful of making mistakes and I was so insecure, but as I reflect, I now know the insecurity came from being told I was ugly at the tender age by a stranger. Strangely, that scarred me and made me look for worth in so much - particularly my academics. When that was ...

Diary entry: 6 June 2021 I'm filled with gratitude as I think of how much God has done for my partner and I. Every experience we've had is a testament of God providing for us. Our relationship is a testament of prayer and a Father who cares about our happiness. My partner and I are in a long distance courtship and we had been praying for provision and for God to open up a way for us to meet. And when Babalo told me he'd be coming this week, I didn't know how everything was going to play out, but I've seen God answering every prayer - from travelling mercies, quiet moments, good weather and so much more. And as I reflect, on this fourth day, I'm filled with gratitude. I know we've both needed time to reflect on our journey, recommit, reaffirm and I'm so grateful. Yesterday, we had a picnic and it was such a calm, beautiful experience which made me realize that, even those very seemingly "crazy" requests are God's pleasure. I honestly pray fo...