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Longing for an earthly father

Lately, my heart has been  longing for an earthly father. There's been so many triggers. I've been wondering how my life would've been if I had a present father.

I find myself thinking about  how it must be to have a father as a provider and friend, as a cheerleader and so much more.

 I often wish I had experienced the element of a present father. A father I'd come to when I need to make decisions and counsel with.

A father who'll be true to his words and be honest when he cannot come through for me.

A father I'd go to picnics with, enjoy some music with and travel with.

I wonder what it's like not  to lack due to having a hard-working dad. I wonder what it's like to have family worship together and so much more.

I wonder, a lot. But the truth is, I'll never know.

I just wish that this part wasn't missing.  And I was of the mind that I had completely made peace with it. But as I navigate life, witness those with loving fathers,  I sometimes wonder why I wasn't deserving of such an experience (but sadly I don't get to choose).


Once in a while I'll cry just wondering. Wondering why  dad didn't choose to be a present father.  I think this is the only question I want God to help me understand.  I struggle with it. I struggle with why a man would hurt me over and over again, yet claim to love. At the hardest times, dad always left us. When he knew we needed him the most.


I used to heal every time I witness a black man, who's a loving father. Now I hurt more. It's a reminder of painful memories. But still  I've fantasized and prayed about reconciling, but there's been so much pain to mend the father-daughter relationship.

Comments

  1. MathaboOctober 5, 2021 at 11:48 PM

    Hello sis. I hope one day God will pull through this crucible. In the meantime, I pray for your healing. ♥️♥️

    ReplyDelete
  2. MercyJoyOctober 23, 2021 at 6:58 AM

    Thank you sis. Definitely in need of those prayers.

    ReplyDelete

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