March Reflection: Part 1

March was probably the hardest month. I found myself having to partake in something that I wasn't settled about - being dressed as a Makoti. I've always known I wanted to stay clear of cultural practices that might lead me to compromise my walk with God like having to worship the dead or having alcohol in the ceremony. So, when I was going to get married I had asked my husband to explain to his family that I don't believe in wearing the makoti regalia as I didn't know it's meaning and when I researched, I realised it was a product of colonialism that was adopted by the black people and his family agreed I'd dress modestly and have a small ceremony to welcome me. And so the first disappointment came when that was later changed and I was informed I had to dress as a Makoti. Then, the ceremony was no longer going to be for few family members and my family; instead it was an event of 120 people. The folks from my husband's home church felt sad that they didn't attend the wedding in PE but it was because of the number restrictions we had. A wedding is expensive and we didn't want to incur debt just because of  a wedding. So, we decided to invite the churches to the ceremony.

 I also started to do my own research regarding what a Makoti is and I realised, it was an old practice where the daughter-in-law would stay with the husband's family and would have to serve. And for me, I partly have no issue with this as long as it's not mandatory. My understanding of marriage is that you leave the husband's home and start your own away from both your parents. So, as I reflected, even though I had visited my in-laws for three weeks, I realised there was no biblical ground where the daughter-in-law must visit and serve the in-laws. It's a cultural construct. And my issue with this is, the husband's family gains a daughter but the wife's family rarely gains a son. But both families should gain a child and there shouldn't be a family that's more favoured than the other.

Anyway, the day of the ceremony came and because we were clear we wanted a Christian service, the ceremony was centred on God. When I arrived at my in-laws house, I wore the Makoti regalia. My mom and family friend took me to the room where I was going to be dressed into the Makoti regalia. Then my sister-in-law and another lady joined in to dress me. The lady asked where my new underwear and bra were and I was taken aback by this. It's so important to respect other people's boundaries - you have no right to see my undergarments and no authority to dictate my body; and often than not, this is my issue with culture: Culture often disregards how the other person feels and what their convictions are. After being dressed I was ushered into a room full of women, where "ukuyalwa" (being counseled) was going to take place. This service really stood out for me as both my husband and I were sitting on "ukhukho" ( a traditional mat made of reeds). This for me was one of the highlights. I loved how the women emphasised the following:

- Marriage can only stand because of God and prayer. Hallelujah! After all, God is the author 

- It was emphasised that we needed to have peace,love and forgiveness

- I was counselled to accept my in-laws and to not get offended by everything

- I loved how one lady said you don't follow in the footsteps of a man. If he chooses to do me ill, I shouldn't revenge. This is a godly principle

- I also loved how one lady said we should make sure we make to heaven together. 

Man, I was blessed. And I received a new name, Phelolwethu, "our last born". I love this name because for one, I do not possess an IsiXhosa name and they see me as the last born of the family. And it's true as I'm younger than my husband, who happens to be last born and I too am the last born twin.

After that, we had a program outside which was a revival of marriage. God moved mightily and I have so many take-aways. I loved how the speaker emphasised that marriage is a God-ordained institution and there were so many gems like the importance of healthful cookery and contentment in the home. Then he read my favourite statement and told both our mothers to stay away from our marriage. The statement reads: Around every family there is a sacred circle that should be kept unbroken. Within this circle no other person has a right to come. Let not the husband or the wife permit another to share the confidences that belong solely to themselves. - MH 361.1

I've also observed that, often it's the mother of the husband who often wants to have a foothold on the marriage and you'll even realise, they still want to be a financial beneficiary. I understand fully well the duties we have to make sure our families are fed, but it's unfair when the in-laws can provide for themselves yet have them still expecting money. I think the in-laws should realise you are building your home and give the couple financial freedom. And I believe it's important as a husband to explain to your family that financially you won't be able to assist like you did, prior marriage, so there isn't a heavy expectation or dependency on you. And I am really thankful that I have a mother who doesn't expect money or demand it; she waits on me to give when I have. And ideally, it would be nice if both in-laws can support themselves instead of depending on the married couple. Ofcourse, you'll assist when you can and you'll never let your family suffer. But often than not, there's an unfair expectation for the husband to still financially take care of his family even after marriage. I believe mother-in-laws should realise that their sons are not their husbands. Let's just say a particular mother-in-law once vocalised that the son is her husband and she sadly did it on the wedding. And went on to say she educated the said son. My question is: did she educate the son to be her breadwinner for the rest of her life or so that he can be able to take care of himself? Do we rear children solely to be paid back? The Bible talks about a wise man who lives an inheritance for his family and that should be the principle: my children should be well prepared for financially and should have enough opportunities to stand on their feet and as a parent, I should never depend on them financially.

I also believe if you'd want the traditional wedding as in-laws, you should highlight such during the Lobola Negotiation so that the couple prepares financially. I didn't like the fact that my MIL waited till after the wedding to want the Welcoming of uMakoti Ceremony. It should have been communicated way earlier. To us, it was a financial blow and it hurt because we have to put other projects on halt because of this. And we went way over our budget. But thank God for provision. 

There was also a desire for Umqombothi (traditional beer) and for me to stand Enkundleni ( a kraal for worshipping the dead). My husband explained we didn't want either and thankfully God won. The ceremony was godly and God showed up. True to the word : God honours those who honour Him. And this is our greatest desire as a family.

And think all this, made me realise it's also important to pray to marry into an Adventist Family. Ofcourse this is not always easy but you need a principled husband who really loves and honours God more than anyone. So, I think for me, as much as I want to be a representative of heaven in my husband's family, I'm navigating a lot as principle-wise we're so different. We worship in different denominations, the way they eat is different (I don't cook meat and I'd personally never cook what I don't eat plus it would be giving them poison) and the beliefs: my in-laws believe in worshipping the dead. They also watch television. So, I pray for the ability to constantly apply grace. And such small things make you realise how much of a blessing it is to grow up into an Adventist Family. There's an atmosphere an Adventist Home has and in visiting my in-laws I've often longed for that atmosphere. We do have devotion and singing but it's totally different. And this made my spirit heavy. They respect our way of eating but I've had to compromise and seat with my mother-in-law and watch TV as means of connecting with her because she likes it. While I personally don't watch it and the sad part is, television is infiltrated with spiritualism. My point is,there are things I still have to navigate. I believe in avoiding environments that make me compromise my convictions, but it'd seem I don't love them when I don't visit. So, I'm struggling with such things. So, it turns out marriage isn't just two people who love each other and seek to build a godly home; but from time to time, in-laws will have to be considered. And so, I'm learning the principle of compromise and dealing with elders who sometimes want to dictate how you ought to do things versus your own convictions. I think it's also important to be honest from the start and for your in-laws to know your boundaries.

Makoti Diaries: Last day on Makoti Duty

Today marks the last day as a Makoti on duty. What a journey for the introvert me 😀. I was really nervous about it and hesitant too. Would my mother-in-law (MamaZala) like me? Will she enjoy the meals I was going to prepare? Were we going to hit it off? Thankfully, my MamaZala is a sweetheart and there weren't so many expectations. I was told to not wake up early as she rises early and I was encouraged to rest. I was responsible for breakfast and supper. And I must commend my husband for holding my hand throughout the journey: we'd prepare breakfast together initially and cook some Sabbath meals and thankfully, MamaZala really enjoyed it all 🙌 and as I cooked, I had more ideas for meals and I did meal preps alone. Thankful for acceptance and love.

We also enjoyed devotion time. My husband and I would take turns on sharing the Word. We'd sing a few hymns and uMamaZala would join in. It was lovely to only have us three so that I wouldn't be overwhelmed. I appreciated that I didn't have to make tea whenever a visitor came (it was too hot anyway).

My mamaZala is a people's person, so we'd sometimes have visitors before serving breakfast, so I'd make breakfast for the visitor as well. My husband's childhood friend would join us for supper from time to time and we'd go for drives and view some farms. I really enjoyed this.

The church folks really welcomed us and were really kind: they congratulated us, would constantly share their warm wishes with us,we were encouraged ukuba "sigcinane"  (to look after each other) and I was encouraged to pray for my hubby,

On the flip side, I really, really, really missed my family. It's not easy being at a town where you only know your husband and trying to build a relationship with umamaZala. I think it'd have been better if I knew someone so I can visit or if there was a familiar face. We had good moments and overall, my stay was good.

This is my life and I'll be a Makoti till Jesus comes.

Three Months In: Marriage reflection

Prior marriage, I honestly had my fears: how will living with a man be like, will I be able to freely express my desires, will he like my cooking? Will I still be able to maintain personal time and devotion?How will copulation be? Will it hurt? Will there be affection?All these questions would come to my mind from time to time, as I had never witnessed a healthy marriage where God was honoured. I had only observed bits and pieces from others and couldn't get the full picture; though there are healthy marriages.

Thankfully, we can always "cast our cares to God", including our fears that keep us awake at night (1 Peter 5:7) and God promises to be with us through the fears (Isaiah 41:10). These fears  alo include a change in trajectory - whether it's leaving home, a change in career, getting married or any change we might face.

My husband and I spoke about some of these fears prior marriage but our comfort has always been that God will continue guiding us as He has done during the course of our courtship.

When we finally got married, on the 2nd of October and finally started our journey as married folks, there was an ease about everything. Nothing felt awkward you know. There was a smooth transition that continues to surprise me from time to time. Ofcourse you communicate, you learn how the other person does things, you get used to their preferences but it hasn't been a stressful experience. My husband often teases me and says: it's like I've been waiting so long to be a wife that the shoe just fits 🤣.

Honestly, I've asked God to help me in my wifehood journey and I took a decision earlier on that I wasn't going to contribute to the breakdown of my marriage: I'd be mindful of the words I say, the tone of my voice and the choices I make and so far, through the grace of God, we've enjoyed every day since the wedding day.

1. I've realised it's important to maintain a personal relationship with God to get strength to navigate life and receive wisdom to live happily married. God as an author of love and life must be the ruler of each individual's life and the marriage life will be enriched. More than that, our salvation is our most important project including developing a Christ-like character. And so, marriage shouldn't be so consuming that God is put aside. The command still stands : work out your OWN salvation with fear and trembling (paraphrased)

2. I consider my husband my best friend - someone I can joke with and be vulnerable  to and that helps. The friendship makes it easy to navigate hard / uncomfortable conversations. 

3. Your husband can never fill every void in your heart. God has his place but you still need to maintain other relationships as they all contribute positively to your growth as an individual. So, it's important to socialize and maintain good relations outside the marriage. Ofcourse, these should be healthy relationships which will not threaten your marriage / make your partner insecure.

It's also crucial to maintain the relationship with your own family. Your parents must not feel like marriage is a loss but instead the relationship must continue and be enriched. Ofcourse you might not see them often, but make time for loved ones.

4. Premarital counseling is not overrated. Pastor Mngqibisa was our marriage counselor and we enjoyed every session. It really made us introspect ourselves individually and as a unit. It was such an uplifting experience and it was eye-opening. I highly recommend it. One does pay for it, but it's not that costly. It's an investment into your marriage.

5. Ukukotiza (visiting your husband's family and serving them) is a form of missionary work and it requires a heart of a servant. It's one thing I was really reluctant about because I'm not familiar with his family but as I prayed about it, I realised it's about forming a relationship with people who knew your husband before you and who also hold him dearly. I prayed for my in-laws and it helps that they are generally loving people. I am grateful for coming into a loving home and a Christian family. Though not Adventist, it helps that there's God as a foundation and it helps us to relate so well. It's actually been a wholesome experience to care for my mom-in-love (MIL); prepare meals and take care of the home. It actually feels like a continuation of what I was doing in my home. I am overwhelmed by the love and how my MIL doesn't want me to be constantly working and constantly reminds me to rest.

My husband has also held my hand in making the journey easy: a huge shout out to him!!! My MIL also enjoys the healthy manner of eating and has been so happy. So yes, one must be humble and serve; and contribute towards connecting with the husband's part of the family.

6. Love is patient - this concept really gets put to the test in marriage. Though there are fundamental similarities like a shared religion and values, you'll also realise how different your spouse is to you and there'll be flaws which you might need to highlight but not make an issue because they are not the main thing. It's important to realise that your partner exercises patience towards  you too and the good (who they are & what they do) often outweighs the flaw.

7. Marriage gets sweeter every day and I believe keeping our courtship simple has contributed to this. We've led individual lives, we've served in different spheres and we're enjoying spending time together, going on dates and doing couple things. I personally don't believe in wearing matching clothes, always being together while unmarried such that it'll be assumed you're already married (my personal conviction and not a universal rule).

8. We've been tested too but I've personally decided I won't be bitter towards God or question Him regarding the losses (trials) . Trials are seasonal and I believe they expose our  true heart and they are a test on whether we'll trust God or lose faith in Him.

Overall, I'm thankful for this gift of marriage. It's so nice to have the assurance and security that someone is in your corner and no matter how bad life gets, you can run to your partner and be comforted.

This quotation has been an encouragement to me:

You have united in a life long covenant. Your education in married life has begun. The first year of married life is a year of experience, a year in which husband and wife learn each other's different traits of character, as a child learns lessons in school. In this, the first year of your married life, let there be no chapters that will mar your future happiness.-  CCh 126.1

End-year reflections : Part 1

 1. This year I've learnt you can experience joy and sadness at the same time, you can look forward to moments of joy while feeling overwhelmed. You can be with loved ones and still miss other people dearly and that's perfectly fine. That's just how things are: season can occur concurrently.

2. Marriage has taught me: your partner will never be your everything. Though s/he contributes positively to your life, you still need other folks because each person adds such a beautiful experience in your life. My hubby's my best friend, but I need to be watered by other people too. 

3. Grief occurs even when reflecting on how certain relationships have changed over the years. Or needing to start a new journey, while leaving your old life. 

 4. The ministry of serving others is the highest form of ministry.

5. Needing help from others will always be part of life. No man is an island and we all need others in various forms.

6. Take time to spend alone. It's good for your health.

Thankful Sabbath

1. Grateful for so much; but especially to have a Saviour who watches over me and who is not caught offguard by circumstances in my life.

2. Lost my cellphone with all my info and dear friends' contacts; but somehow I'm at peace. Thankfully, God blessed me with two cellphones. So, atleast I can navigate life and reach people. It's also felt like a pause - a needful one. Looking forward to recover my friend's contacts! I know Soso will rebuke me for all these numbers.

3. I'm grateful to be going to church with my husband 😍. It's truly a blessing. There's been Sabbaths I'd miss him immensely while we were courting and so it means a lot to have him around.

4. I'm grateful for the gift of marriage - having a friend you share life experiences with and the most intimate parts of your life with, is such a beautiful experience. Having someone to do tasks with, build a home with and so much more, is so nice. Setting up a home has been such a wonderful experience. I'm enjoying being loved well. It's a safe space and I'm grateful to God for this gift.

5. I'm grateful for life and God's grace.

29 Years of Grace - Part 3

19. Relationships with other people will often include misunderstanding and disagreements, but that doesn't mean we should give up. Sometimes folks  will make assumptions about us and will even seek to sabotage us, but God will see us through. God sees and often interferes. Human relations do hurt, more especially when you sacrifice so much and your motives are misunderstood. Through all of this, we should continue to pursue them for the good of mankind.

Human connections require wisdom, grace and discretion from above. If we don't allow the Holy Spirit to guide us, we are in danger of seeking to deal with those who hurt us with revenge. But when we surrender to Holy Spirit we are able to return hate with kindness, sabotage with patience and misunderstanding with grace. Ours is to guard our hearts as we navigate these connections. And remember to deal with others, with the same grace God gives us.

20. Comparison is a thief of joy. We often picture  a certain path for our lives, atleast I did. And as I looked around those I had known I felt like a failure. But the more I focused on my own growth and excelling in my own line of work, I realized it is good to mind my own business. Sure, I can be happy for those who've succeeded but in my own way, I'm doing well too and there's a reason to be grateful. Gratitude and contentment are a good replacement for comparison. 

21. Doing one's best comes with satisfaction. There's joy in giving something our best. Mediocre isn't a virtue to emulate but daily we should give it our all. So that when we look back, we can be filled with joy instead of regret. Opportunities come and go, the important thing is when it's your shot, you give it your all. This means you'll have to sacrifice time, strength, your whole being. It's still worth it.

22. Obedience to God brings joy. We might struggle, need to put a fight and so much more; but it is safer to obey than rebel. Sin is not worth it.

23. We need to meet situations head on. Openness is required as we navigate life and we often have to communicate and make our stand clear.

24. Doing good should never be founded or rooted on seeking applause from others. It should always come from a place of love and honouring God. Even if it means never hearing a Thank you, continue. The change is happening.

25. Jesus is enough. He is all I need and He is enough for you too. He is a healer, provider, confidant, teacher, and so much more.

26. Any position we are called to fill is an opportunity to serve, not to exalt ourselves.

27. Respect yourself. Have boundaries. They'll save you from many a heartache. Be honest enough to say no. People pleasing isn't worth it. Respect other people's boundaries. Respect other people's feeling, spouses and choices.

28. Praying for others is a worthy cause. Let's lift our friends in prayer - even if they seem to be thriving. Let's hold those around us in prayer. Prayer is powerful.

29. When overwhelmed, remember its all about God and God's grace is enough.

29 Years of Grace - Part 2

Join me as I continue to countdown to 30.

10. God knows our abilities and He's one person we can ask to reveal these and position us so that we can use our skills to benefit others. When we say yes to minister, our talents become clearer to us. If you find yourself in a space where you feel unclear, keep serving those nearest to you and as you continue you'll know.

11. Ask God to guard your heart. I now realize, God is an author of love and when we ask him to guide us, it saves us from a lot of heartache. I love how my fiance often tells me: I prayed and fasted for you. It speaks of the intentionality. And just watching how our courtship unfolded has been an answer to my request to God. Let God do the choosing! He knows beyond and sees beyond what we see. 

This guarding of our hearts also includes choices we make in other areas. We also need protection from ourselves!

12. Do not let society define the trajectory you should take. God's ways have proved the best in every aspect. Rather choose to seek his way.

13. Guard jealously your time with God. When we consistently spend time with God, we are transformed daily. We gain power to live for him. We learn and Holy Spirit convicts us and shows us where we need to overcome. It's one relationship we should prioritise over everything.

14. Family - how crucial it is to nurture this relationship with loved ones. Spending time together, supporting each other, forgiving, loving etc. These relationships require effort too.

15. The other extreme of Christianity is that hobbies aren't important. I look back and wonder why I didn't play tennis. I wish I took part in recreation and took walks more. I also realize,  my hobbies need to extend beyond podcasts, watching YouTube and reading. I need to actually be outdoors. I'll try hiking next year. 

16. In a time of social media, I'm realizing not every aspect of my life needs to make it on the gram or my WhatsApp status. I wear my heart on my sleeve, but I've realised that I want to guard the sacred parts of my life. So I've become mindful of what I share.

Also, it's so important to check from what place I'm sharing from. I never want to share from a place of pride but from a sense of gratitude to God's goodness towards me and conviction.

17. What a gift health is and how much I need to guard it. I'd like to walk more. I'm doing it daily, but not as intensely as I used to.

18. Choices! What a solemn responsibility comes with making a choice. And I've realized, when we  read God's word and other useful books they shape the way we think and the decisions we make. Because of the books I read and what I observed growing up I decided earlier on (when I was 18 y.o) that I wanted to honour God with my body. I didn't want to mother a child in my 20s and I didn't want to ever make decisions out of pressure. My point is - think things through, envision your life and don't find yourself making choices  out of pressure instead of what you want.

Also, don't make choice out of fear or from a place of hurt. Choose a path even if failure is inevitable. It's part of the journey. Sometimes we give up on a dream because we deem ourselves as failures, but we need to continually  push through the lies and our immediate circumstances. 

11 more lessons to go!

29 years of grace

In 13 days' time, I'll turn 30. And this makes me so happy. This is a special age, and carries significance in my life as I enter a new joy and journey. But I see it noteworthy, to take a pause and reflect on the past years of adulthood.

1. This life journey requires humility. It's not my place to seek to dictate how others should live. And it's important to respect their views and give them freedom to be.   

I pray I never carry the idea that I've arrived and things can only be right because I'm doing them. Rubbing my experience on others is not something I ever want to do. I've seen how older women do this and make you feel inadequate. Or this group that  always find something flawed when they are not in the programme or aren't sought for. What a mean approach to life.

Basically, I'm saying life isn't black and white; there are many intricacies and realities of life that forge each person's experience. Mine is to walk humbly. And be mindful of other's experiences. 

2. Experiencing  joy / happy times is no sin. I feel like I've not given myself the permission to be fully present in moments of joy. And I realize, that, I owe it to myself to experience these moments wholeheartedly . I've started to eat out with my mom monthly - something I didn't experience growing up. I also find joy in eating out alone and enjoying my company. 

3. I find joy in rest - just cleaning my space, reading and taking time to slow down. The occupation I'm in requires so much mental strength that at times it's very hard to pause even when you sleep. And I've struggled with sleep from a young age. It felt like I was missing out on something if I slept. But I'm thankful that the past months I've slept so well. Yes, there are days I struggle but I'm thankful for this gift.

4. There's joy in service. There's joy in work. It brings purpose. Just this week my learners' books were moderated and I cannot tell you how proud I am as I look at God's grace in enabling me to help each learner and the great improvement each learner has achieved . I've realize I feel most proud when I'm able to start and finish a task. When I serve and when I'm being useful. 

5. Doing good to others will always be good. Hating and jealousy steal so many opportunities from us. And I hate these traits wholeheartedly. 

6. We become the company we keep. How mindful then, we should be. I am grateful for the sisters (mostly older than me) and friends I keep as they inspire me to be more and to quietly seek to be better each day.

7. Do the work of healing. It's all worth it. I'm in a space where I don't measure myself with anyone because I realize, how distinct and special my journey is. And I'm realizing daily, it's never about the occupation, material etc. But my contribution to the life of others. I want to be present, I want to rejoice with others and cry when they do. I want to know what they think, how others live and I want to be a shoulder to cry on. 

8. I'm learning to not limit myself to my friendships but to continue embracing others.

9. Honesty with oneself is so pivotal in the journey of growth.

We need to take a SWOT analysis of ourselves from time to time. Sometimes we get offended because we are being corrected or may feel a superior is unfair. But if we do our part faithfully, we will never harbour such feelings because we do our part.

Let's do the SWOT analysis together. Yes? 😊 Let's go!

1. What are my (your) strengths?

2. What are my (your) weaknesses?

3. What are my  (your) opportunities in this journey?

4. What are my (your) threats?

9 down, 20 to go! What are you learning?

Moments of grace

(Learning so much through these ones.)

 Today the little one had an accident: peed and pooped on herself. When I arrived she was so quiet and had a worried look. I checked and realized she was wet and as I continued, I realized it's a mess. My former self would have gotten nauseous and called for my mom. But through God's grace I affirmed her and told her  that everything is okay (told her I loved her and kissed her). I bathed her, mom gave me clean clothes for her. I then washed the soiled clothes. Then put her on my back. In fact, after I cleaned her up: she was back to her cheerful self. And honestly, this is the grace I want to extend to every child. 

My dad tried shouting her and I quickly shut him off. My dad has always responded in anger in moments that needed patience and unfortunately he continues to this day. My dad really has no sympathy for another person. But I don't want this post to be about him. I just want us to be conscious regarding how we respond to kids as it can build or break them.

Double standards for raising kids

I came across an interesting video on Instagram and it came exactly when my colleague and I were talking about a familiar topic. The lady mentioned how we'd punish a child if s/he breaks something yet be kind to a stranger who does the same in our home. She mentioned how if, someone was crying we'd comfort them yet with kids, we often want them to quickly stop crying. We even say to boys: a man doesn't cry which dehumanizes them and happens to be a false claim.

And I've realized, we even raise our voices to them yet we would never shout adults if we have a misunderstanding. What an eye-opener. I personally took a decision when I started teaching that I'd not shout at kids for spilling water, paint or any mishap so they can learn from mistakes and know they are part of the learning journey.

I don't like to shout. But I've had days where I'd find my voice at a higher pitch because I've been telling student X for five times to stop doing something bad or to actually do their work. It can be frustrating honestly, but I've realized kids mimick how we deal with them and we must be very careful.

There's one learner who likes shouting at other kids and has explained how the parent does that. So the child is learning that bad behaviour. He likes acting as a victim too. Super scary! There was a boy who'd burst into anger and I later learnt, his mother was like that. 

We really need to remember kids are humans too, with feelings too. They are observing our behaviour and in the end, the very behaviour we are potraying is what they'll potray too. Overall, we need patience and grace; and to remember: we too, were once  kids. And we often yearned for love, grace, patience and so much more. Like we still do, they too need that.

What behaviours do you view as double standards?

First Term Reflections : Part 2

I have realized, for some people, success means bruising others along the way. It means pushing others to support our initiatives, then folding our arms and not putting any effort when others need support. This sounds like the survival of the fittest theory. But this doesn't work in Christianity because we are counseled to not do anything for our  own good.

I'm also learning people aren't always honest, for the sake of buying face. People will agree with a particular decision and then go around complaining. That's not it. This life requires us to be truthful - even if it means opposition. Personally, I'm in a space when I need to be honest with those around me. I speak when I see someone is being teared down. I cannot keep silent.

I believe WHOLEHEARTEDLY in supporting others-especially when you are stepping off a particular position. Life is not a competition. If it means supporting a leader to the point of them serving more excellently through prayer, resources and more, then so be it. At least, I want to help make someone's burden lighter. This principle also extends to my homelife. I can't watch my mom burdened or in need, when I can help.

There's no loss in affirming others when they do something good - I believe it's part of using our speech well. It can be someone looking beautiful, it can be a child assisting without you asking (like a grade 1 learner who asked if she could assist - bless her heart) and so much more. It's good to encourage others when they do good.

Praying for each other is the best and continually checking on others. Overall, let's not love others based on what we can get off them and leave them to suffer when they need us. I might reiterating this for the second time, in the same post but the selfish behaviour is so harmful and harms the selfish individual. 

Overall, blessings to you. Do join me in reflecting as doing so helps us to see our shortcomings, strengths, and areas of development.